Next Harry Kane identified as ‘unrecognisable’ Liverpool star returns to training
The tabloids have found a cowardly way to pile pressure on a child, the ‘unrecognisable’ trope has hit a new low and Aston Villa are cast in the role of absolute bastards.
It’s a very odd Mediawatch all round, frankly.
Nothing is making much sense to us, and also it is just much too hot today. Possibly related.
Mad for it A recurring Mediawatch bugbear is the increasing cowardice of the big beasts of UK football media.
Back in the day they’d have had absolutely no problem piling the pressure on a 17-year-old to be the Next Big Thing on the back of one good game. They’d have told that literal child that it was his patriotic duty to be at the very, very least as good as Harry Kane or know that he’d let his country down.
It would be b*llocks, of course, but at least it would be b*llocks under their own name and with their full chest. The Suns and Mirrors of all our yesterdays would at least have owned that sh*t.
Now they play sneaky little games, hiding behind ‘fans think’ and copy-pasting the first four excitable guffings that come up on a search of X-not-Twitter.
Thus we have this from The Sun today.
MAD ABOUT THE BOY: Fans think England finally have Harry Kane successor as Villa’s Brian Madjo, 17, explodes on to scene in Uefa Super Cup
Cowards. Say it yourselves or don’t say it at all.
We will give them credit, though, for a rather off-brand slice of subtlety within the inevitably X-sourced content that is the story itself. As a means to distance themselves further still from these wildly and unhelpfully premature MADJO IS KANE Mk II claims it’s artfully done.
Previous names touted as successors to the legendary Tottenham Hotspur and Bayern Munich forward have included Liam Delap and Madjo’s Villa team-mate Tammy Abraham.
We hear you.
Proper villans
Mediawatch very much enjoyed this headline from the Mirror.
UNITEDS CAN’T BE DIVIDED: Man Utd and Leeds play out pre-season friendly draw as Bruno Fernandes sends timely reminder – 5 talking points
Only slight problem with that UNITEDS CAN’T BE DIVIDED line is that they could be and were. As the Mirror themselves state:
Determined to give the thousands of fans a winner, the Boyle Sports Cup went to penalties, and Fernandes’ failure to hit the target silenced the stadium. The shootout went beyond the five spot kicks and the unlucky man to miss was James Justin – handing those from Manchester the trophy. Here’s five talking points from the Irish capital.
Still, nice gag.
As ever, of course, our wider concern is with the very idea that a pre-season friendly can actually have five talking points.
We’ve read the whole thing regardless, yet remain none the wiser about what the Bruno Fernandes reminder actually was. As long as Michael Carrick and Bruno remember, we guess it doesn’t matter if we don’t.
There’s a star man… From the Daily Mail:
Former Man United star accuses Corinthians of ‘unacceptable’ behaviour after they decide against renewing his contract
That’ll be Memphis Depay, then, whose starring role at Man United extended to two Premier League goals in 33 appearances.
UnrecognAIsable A new low for the already-barrel-bottom-scraping ‘looks unrecognisable’ trope, courtesy of the Daily Star.
Liverpool star unrecognisable as he returns to training like ‘Dominik Szoboszlai’s twin’
Not, oddly enough, because of the usual issue here that the subject is in fact easily recognisable. But because the entire thing isn’t actually real. Even the Chicharito one, insane as it was, existed within the realities of our universe. It at least had that.
The clue that it isn’t real lies in the idea that Alexis Mac Allister, for it is he, could’ve grown a full head of lustrous Szoboszlai locks in the time since the World Cup final. They can do amazing things in Turkey these days, but this would require an actual old-fashioned wig.
Or something rather more modern. We’ll let the Star take up the story.
A Liverpool star has returned to pre-season training looking unrecognisable as he dubbed himself ‘Dominik Szoboszlai’s twin’ thanks to his new look
Nothing more embarrassing than a self-dubbing. Although everything else here comes pretty close. Because we cannot stress enough that he hasn’t in fact returned to pre-season training looking unrecognisable.
A Liverpool star has returned to pre-season looking like ‘Dominik Szoboszlai’s twin’ after undergoing a procedure that has made him unrecognisable.
Please stop saying it, guys.
But Mac Allister has returned with a big smile on his face and a new head of hair, albeit thanks to AI. The 27-year-old thought himself to be follically challenged and underwent a hair transplant procedure following Argentina’s tournament exit.
What an albeit that is, by the way.
…he used AI to edit a slicked-back ponytail hairstyle and quipped that he looked like Szoboszlai, but in truth more Loris Karius.
These are facts.
