Newcastle manager search ruled out ‘all the usual suspects’ and left Arteta with biggest modern PL decision
The recent revelation that Mikel Arteta once ‘came extremely close’ to being appointed as Newcastle manager opens up too many infernal alternate timelines to properly contemplate.
What would trust in a Saudi-based process have looked like? Would it have wavered somewhat if Willian rocked up on massive wages to replace the non-negotiably released Allan Saint-Maximin?
How, indeed, would Sean Longstaff have coped with the meal-delaying, Anfield-mimicking, pickpocket-employing gaslighting? And through what means would ‘desgracia’ have otherwise been introduced to the Barclays lexicon?
What would become of Arsenal in the post-Emery era? Would Francis Jeffers, Richard Wright or Shkodran Mustafi have filled the void of a former player under David Moyes and Arsene Wenger who pivoted into a generational coach? Would Gunnersaurus still have been made redundant? Would Thomas Partey have been [REDACTED] instead of [REDACTED]?
Where would all Chelsea’s cast-offs since 2020 go? Would Manchester City’s near-decade of cheating have been exposed if Arteta probably allegedly but yeah maybe not have been able to click on that phishing link sent by Rui Pinto, because he was too busy telling Mike Ashley about his five phases?
It is a tantalising, fabric-altering nugget of information. It also isn’t a revelation at all; Arteta was installed as the early favourite to take over at St James’ Park in the summer of 2019, at the beginning of what might be the single most eclectic manager search in Premier League history.
Crystal Palace once boasted of a 37-man shortlist when landing upon Frank de Boer, who was sacked four games later. The Spurs succession plan of 2021 was particularly chaotic and calamitous: a 72-day hunt defined by a series of public rejections which eventually forced them to the door of the entirely doomed Nuno Espirito Santo.
But Newcastle’s efforts to replace Rafael Benitez warrant a dedicated book, an All or Nothing documentary and its own Wikipedia entry.
It was announced that the Spaniard would be leaving upon the expiration of his contract, the failure to agree a renewal largely boiling down to differences in opinion over the club’s transfer policy.
In short, Newcastle refused to make Salomon Rondon’s loan permanent, so Benitez immediately fled to the now-dissolved Dalian Professional in China and paid the Venezuelan’s £16.5m release clause from there instead, while the Magpies spent £40m on Joelinton.
That left Newcastle needing to replace a manager popular with the fans, who had established them in the Premier League again, with no obvious, tailor-made candidate on the market. No out-of-work coach suited to the mid-table grind with promise of breaking the glass ceiling; no Saudi sister club to poach from; no KTCman already familiar with the tea lady and amenities.
The result was remarkable. Jose Mourinho was linked. Arsene Wenger felt compelled to distance himself from the speculation. Avram Grant got a mention.
And that was a fraction of the absurd, Barclays-coded assortment of names thrown into the ring: Sean Dyche, Giovanni van Bronckhorst, Laurent Blanc, Claudio Ranieri, David Moyes, Roberto Martinez, Quique Sanchez Flores and Garry Monk all had backing of some kind.
Sam Allardyce(!) was “very flattered” but “politely said no”, FFS.
Yet lost in the weeds of it all was that greatest of things: some Luke Edwards silliness.
From the man who brought us ‘Simple For Simpletons: The Alexander Isak Story’, and the rip-roaring follow-up, ‘Newcastle 2.0: Sandro Tonali and Bruno Guimaraes’ Big Day Out’, we have this previously unheralded prequel:
‘With Steve Bruce seen as a safe pair of hands by those close to owner Mike Ashley, he would appear not to be a big enough name to head a shortlist at this stage, so Newcastle will continue to compile a list of potential targets. ‘There is a reluctance to look at what have been described as “all the usual suspects.” That may lead to the appointment of a younger, more dynamic coach, rather than one with vast amounts of Premier League experience.’
It may also lead to over two years of literally the most usual suspect of all in Steve Bruce, who was at absolute best the sixth choice for Ashley, and last of anyone else connected to Newcastle.
Among the ‘younger, more dynamic coaches’ under consideration, alongside Steven Gerrard and Patrick Vieira (seven years ago was a long time), was 37-year-old Manchester City assistant Arteta, who explained soon after why Newcastle would have been an atrocious fit for his first senior professional gig.
When the Arsenal post came up months later, the pieces fell into place far easier.
But for a time, Mikel Arteta as Newcastle manager was a live possibility. His rejection of ‘an extraordinarily long contract’ – Alan Pardew still had a year left to run on the deal he signed in September 2012 by that point, and had been sacked not only by the Magpies but also Crystal Palace and West Brom, so that all checks out – was perhaps the biggest fork in the modern Premier League road.
