Man Utd facing very real injury crisis as ‘cryptic update’ issued and ‘true colours’ shown
Manchester United’s very real injury crisis could collide with a brand new concept in Como tonight, but at least beleaguered Michael Carrick has been on the receiving end of some true-colours class-showing from opposite number Cesc Fabregas.
We are also once again asking The Sun to understand something straightforward, and enjoying the always welcome return of Acewatch.
Cryptic cross words There are various popular headline words that are guaranteed to set off Mediawatch’s Spidey senses. ‘Cryptic’ is definitely one of them. The only hard and fast rule of a cryptic clue or update offered by – usually – a manager is that it will not, in fact, be a cryptic clue.
We’d love a manager to actually start responding to inane press conference questions with stuff like “Give power to the Spanish curse, raised up (6)” or, better yet, “See 28 down”. But no, it’s very rarely never that.
So the fun then becomes in discovering what it actually is. Very often it’s simply just a massive stretch, a desperate click-hoovering attempt to pretend there is some deeper and more significant meaning to what appear on the surface to be quite bland boilerplate pronouncements.
And sometimes, it’s just bollocks. Like this from football.london.
Roberto De Zerbi provides cryptic Tottenham injury update on three players
And what did he actually say, while, in another bizarre claim, apparently ‘keeping his cards close to his chest’?
“No, no, no, I think there are no injuries, nothing important.”
Stop talking in riddles, man. Tell us what you actually mean. At the very least tell us how many letters it has. Is the second one a T?
Water way to have a good time Excitable reports in the Mirror that Como v Man United could be postponed tonight due to it p*ssing down in Italy. But they’ve also just completely invented a new phrase here, haven’t they?
PA reported that that 64mm worth of rain is forecast before kick-off at Stadio Giuseppe Sinigaglia, with only one of their four stands under cover – leaving fans preparing for a water evening.
Sorry, preparing for what? We assume it was meant to be ‘watery evening’ but that’s still just weird. Wet. Just say wet. This is even weirder than The Sun’s stubborn refusal to use the word ‘game’ yesterday.
Pour one out Elsewhere, the Mirror give us this coincidental bit of juxtaposition.
IT NEVER RAINS, IT POURS: Man City facing another investigation on top of guilty verdict as ‘only fair punishment’ pushed by Gary Neville.
Do they need to prepare for a water evening as well?
Cloud nine Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing for Manchester United if the Como game did get postponed, mind. They’ve got a proper availability crisis ahead of tonight’s game, and you know that because this Manchester Evening News headline…
Manchester United issue major injury update as NINE players set to miss Como match
…contains absolutely no mischief whatsoever. They’ve not thrown some Como players in there. They’ve not included four 17-year-olds who were on the bench for a Carabao game once.
The nine players missing through injury/illness/suspension all fit the intro-promised definition of ‘first-team players’.
Marcus Rashford, Lisandro Martinez, Luke Shaw, Kobbie Mainoo, Leny Yoro, Manuel Ugarte, Patrick Dorgu, Benjamin Sesko, Ayden Heaven.
Nine players. Nine Manchester United players. Nine Manchester United first-team players.
We mention it because we genuinely don’t think we’ve ever actually seen this kind of story be straight down the line before.
We’re almost annoyed they didn’t insert just a tiny little bit of nonsense in order to round it up to 10.
Shining through At least Carrick doesn’t have to worry about his opposite number tonight putting the boot in.
Per the Express:
Cesc Fabregas shows true colours with response to becoming Man Utd manager
It was not just true colours Fabregas would show.
Cesc Fabregas showed his class by insisting that he would not show disrespect to Michael Carrick by discussing speculation linking him with the Manchester United position.
Class and true colours. Elite work from the former Arsenal and Chelsea man.
Although we will note that what he actually said about Carrick…
“I don’t think that shows enough respect to a great footballer and manager like Michael Carrick at the helm of a wonderful Manchester United side.”
…is actually pretty close to what was dubbed a ‘brutal verdict’ when Harry Redknapp said it.
Hot to the touch
We’ll leave you to make your own mind up about whether some over-excited fans on ‘X, formerly Twitter’, going all ‘Mo who?’ after Rio Ngumoha’s (excellent) performance against Villarreal constitutes actual major news.
But we must once again ask – beg, even – The Sun to understand that a Touch Map and a Heat Map are not in fact different things. They are the same thing showing the same information in almost exactly the same way.
The triumphant return of Acewatch Always a joy to bring back our most favourite of all occasional series, courtesy today of The Sun.
ROCK THE KAZ-BAR: Ex-Prem ace sacked by League Two side after being cut adrift at bottom
Who could ever forget Colin Kazim-Richards’ one goal in 27 games during Sheffield United’s 2006/7 relegation season?
