Arsenal and their ‘boring, turgid, horseshoe passing’ are eviscerated
Arsenal are rotten – led by a cross-country runner in Declan Rice – and almost as offensive as Manchester Cheaty.
Arsenal are really quite awful In the latest in my ongoing mini-series “Actually, The Premier League Is Quite Sh*t” (what the kids aren’t calling ATPLIQS (pronounced ‘atplicks’))
Today, I’m talking about Arsenal.
The first 45 mins against Forest were the sort of 45 mins that leaves you wondering how this team has ever won a game of football, never mind the title. Ian Wright looked he’d overdosed on beta blockers at half time. Roy Keane couldn’t even be arsed to get enraged. Kelly Cates was making jokes about waking up the viewers at home by talking too loudly.
Eberechi Eze got pulled at half time, remember him? The one who was so exciting at Palace? That flair player who could win games on his own? Well no more I’m afraid. He’s been what is known in the trade as Grealished.
Remember Viktor Gyokeres? No, neither do I. He currently can’t get a kick, despite Kai Havertz looking about as threatening as a kitten bouncing around your living room.
Boring, turgid, horseshoe passing ad nauseum, led by Declan Rice, a cross country runner who often finds himself in the middle of a top flight football match. Painfully rigid football. Completely devoid of any individual flair or invention. Systems based football at its most restrictive and constrictive.
Yet, I remind you, this is the Champions. The team who finished 1st last season.
That is almost as offensive as Manchester Cheaty, in its own mind numbingly tedious way.
Stay tuned for the next instalment of ATPLIQS. I’ve got plenty more where that came from. Andy H, Swansea
…Do we reckon there’s a chance that the football regulator might be receptive if I write to them and ask that Arsenal games are no longer televised? I mean it’s in the best interests of the league, sport, and country – the PL is supposed to be high tempo quality football, not bearing witness to Saka’s descent from fine young footballer to cheat with zero output in Arteta’s “system”, among other heinous crimes against football.
Telling that the memorable moment of the game from an Arsenal perspective was the shot of Eze slumped in his seat, chin resting on his palm, contemplating what happened to the wonderful footballer he was at Palace having been hooked for f***ing Madueke at half time. The fact Mr 50p foot then got a huge slice of luck later in the game will have Eberechi sobbing into his pillow even more so tonight.
On a more semi-serious note, as I’ve mentioned several times previously, if you let a drab little beauraucrat like Arteta drum negativity and cynicism into your expensively assembled squad, don’t be surprised if they spoon most of the vanishingly rare chances they somehow manage to fashion. The only upside I suppose is that they can’t rely on luck all season long.
Super Sunday my arse. RHT/TS x
(El Monotone sprinting past Glasner in the style of Charles ‘Charlie’ Charles to make sure he beat him to the tunnel at half time was so on brand it hurt)
…Arsenal are doing it again aren’t they. Dig in. It’s going to be another grim season for the rest of us. Shunt LFC
Well in Brighton though What a delight to see Brighton 2nd in the league (Man C don’t count anymore) playing the football every fan wants to see. Goal difference enormous after 7 games!
As a Liverpool fan I declared a lack of interest in results when Jota passed away and I still feel the same…I’m happy if we win, I’m disappointed if we lose but not to the levels of the past, I’d refuse to read match reports when we lost.
So now I watch as many games as I can and I want Liverpool to win the quadruple but I also enjoy every game I see and Brighton are the current kings…good luck, do a Leicester. Mark Jones, LFC, Liverpool
What is this Man Utd team?
Mazraoui at centre back.
Yoro at right back.
Dalot at left back.
No striker.
Bruno/Tielemens false 9s until they weren’t.
Mbuemo left wing until he wasn’t.
Mbuemo marking DCL on the goal when Maguire had him pretty much pocketed.
65% possession, more shots and more threat from Leeds.
How did we get a point there ?
Maybe Martinez had a point…… Gibbo (MUFC – down under)
READ: Carrick sack coming according to Man Utd omen as pressure piled on new scapegoat
Barcola looks decent for Liverpool A good player with a lot of potential. Had a good game, could have had a much better game. As someone on the internet described him in one line: ‘He’s a good player but he runs faster than his brain.’
Jacquet, Munoz and Isak are our standout players till now. M.Nair. MUMBAI. LFC (What is up with these injuries frequency man)
Chelsea and Everton fans not keen on each other
I do worry for any dolphins in the Mersey estuary when Everton at home, so squeaky do their crowd become when riled by perceived – or in the case of Rogers challenge on Garner, actual – injustices.
Flipper must need ear defenders on matchday. Lawrence in Muswell Hill
…69 mins in, their own goalkeeper down with what looks like a very serious injury, and the chant the Chelsea fans go with is “we pay your benefits.” We’ve already had “sign on” twice. And as I’m typing this, the latter chant rears its head again.
Absolute scum. Aidan, EFC, South Stand Upper
……and now some of our own fans have booed as Martinez was being taken off.
I hate football sometimes. Aidan, EFC, South Stand Upper
A small stand v Man City
I am in charge of what gets shown in my pub. We will not broadcast any Man City games as long as I live. Dave, AVFC
What clubs could do…
It will never happen, but I would love it if clubs fielded their Under 21 teams against Man City. Just make it a full-on farce and it’ll take all the meaning out of everything Man City do this season. I’m an Arsenal fan and this isn’t a strategy that actually does us any favors, but it would be worth it, in my opinion. David
Just throw them out already
Man City win. Maresca sets a record by winning his first seven games in charge. Nobody cares. The whole charade just seems utterly pointless until City are thrown out.
Everything just reeks of apathy.
I don’t even watch their goals, never mind any highlights, because what’s the point?
Man City fans, stay classy with your boos and petulance. Your blind loyalty will make the punishments all the sweeter for everyone else. Eoin (Innocent until proven guilty. City have been proven guilty. An appeal doesn’t change that) Ireland
It’s just maths
Everyone is going back and forth on deserved Man City punishment, based on the verdicts, the right sanctions will be legendary points deduction. And the simple calculation will be
114 (sham activities) = 114 points
Multiple by 9 (seasons) = 9 points =1026 points deduction
I know they have to land somewhere in football pyramid or they should just start a fresh with this legendary name 1026City FC. I will leave the remaining punishments to cool/hot heads to judge. Mudashiru Lfc Ibadan (simple arithmetic, Liverpool have become the killer of killer Bs)
